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Archive for the ‘things that go bump in the night’ Category

we here at the offices of casual friday have been mulling over the darker sides of time travel and coming to terms with ones direct relationship to the snowballing of days into weeks into months into eventual years… it’s heavy business and not for the weak of heart, but really in life none of the interesting things are best suited for those of a fragile condition.

dear readers, the precise trouble with time is that it doesn’t just start and stop where you want it to. without the aid of psychedelic drugs or sorcery one cannot go from monday morning’s alarm clock to friday’s afternoon- or however the lodestar of your weekend works out. in this same vein one cannot jump from the moment you opened the dresser drawer filled with needles, tin foil, and your mail and then suddenly be on a roadtrip with your best friend some ten months later. the precise mechanics of the clock do not allow for these kinds of transgressions. it is amazing that in this day and age of such great technological magic and innovation that no one has sought to fix this problem of time…

we here at casual friday are mucking through the deep trenches of slowly expanding time and space. it has yet to achieve those qualities of a great numbing expanse, a gulf so wide it may as well be the ocean where communication is only possible through the frantically flickering of writs of semaphores on foreign shores. no time is still a young thing. not a helpless baby. time is more like a 10 year old boy. all knobby knees and bones like glass. time falls and hurts itself and we still feel the need to hold it. cry with it. we here at the offices of casual friday still share a visceral connection with time, it coats our hands like honey.

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we here at casual friday are a confused mix of relieved and disappointed by the recent nasa induced alien anxiety attack we were navigating with shallow breath.  but no, nasa instead declared they found some bacteria. in a lake. in california. hardly worth the valium it took to get us off the roof after hearing the ominous first words “astrobiology”.

since our smallest days in pigtails, we here at casual friday have harbored a deep fear of aliens. it is interesting when one can examine a deep seated phobia and know precisely when and where it started. our fear of aliens was birthed in the living room of the butchart’s house watching “fire in the sky” when we were eight little impressionable years old. in that one poorly made decision we gifted ourselves with this debilitating bête noire. as years pass, our fears have subsided somewhat, no doubt largely inspired by the fact that we no longer live in the deep sticks of hawaii, and thus are not made to confront that great expansive of sky every night and spooky stories of our friends parents. regardless, we have spent sleepless nights in the company of one of our dearest friends who shares the same fear affliction, drinking whiskey into the  deepest darkest dying hours of the night, staring at the sky creeping our selves out to the very cores.

so if nasa feels the need to put our angst into overdrive again, we here at casual friday do solemnly hope that it will be for something more than life from california. after all, as strange as fuckers are in the golden state, we here feel that it hardly qualifies as alien, even under the squarest of terms.

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we here at the offices of casual friday are hotly anticipating the impending press conference at nasa on thursday. the topic of which will be “astrobiology” and one of saturn’s moons in laypersons terminology we are pretty sure they are talking aliens. now, for those of you who don’t know, aliens top the list of anxieties that populate our collective closets. we will naturally be following this topic very closely and will let you and yours know if you should start mixing the kool aid now, or if we can save that mass exodus for another day…

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we here at the offices of casual friday are mourning a great personal loss- one of many in what has amounted to the summer and early fall of our discontent, however we would like to thank you, our loyal and lovely readers for weathering the storm which as amounted to our collective lives over the past few months.

while we here at casual friday aren’t large subscribers to the sorcery that is the portents of the stars, we cannot help but feel that we have had some extremely fucking bad astrology working strongly against us. perhaps an evil eye was cast upon us. perhaps the driver of the car we flipped off in april was actually a great doer of dark arts and took our passive aggressive hand jive in an unflattering way. or maybe we’ve been burning the wrong colored candles for far to long…

whatever the case, things have been retrograding and all in mercury- if you catch our drift.

thus this weekend, on the highest of dark holy days, we plan on conducting multiple seances, sacrifices, and exorcisms in hopes of shedding these evil wraiths who have taken to calling us “friend”. naturally, all of the aforementioned events will be taking place over the graves of the both the black dahlia and mac dre to ensure that the right spirits hear our pleas. this ghost party will, of course, be at the illustrious mountain view cemetery- our home away from home.

feel free to join. don’t talk to any strangers though, this is a time where bad things, hell creatures, and lonely spirits move fast and light and yearn for someone to call their own.

dear readers, we don’t want to come off as a “don’t do it donna” type, but we suggest you yeild on the side of caution in any dealings with anyone or thing wanting your blood, your breath, or your very being.

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well, the sf chronicle once again proves, when the going gets slow in the news biz, then it is high time to riffle up another zodiac killer story.

the latest zodiac-based conspiracy theory comes from former homicide detective, john cameron, who hails from who-fucking-cares, montana.

mr. cameron is reported to have recently sent his police buddies in multiple counties, including san frandisco, as well as our esteemed friends at the chronicle a 207 page document with “hundreds of exhibits”. apparently this extravagant display of obsession demonstrates that the zodiac killer is in fact  mr. edward wayne edwards (a stage name if we’ve ever heard one). mr. edwards, in the words of the fine folks at the sf chron, is “alive and unwell” in an ohio prison serving time for two murders in 1977. according to the cameron theory, edwards toured the country killing folks until caught in 1977 through a sophisticated use of  aliases and false birth certificates, which really doesn’t sound all that cutting edge, even by 70s crime standards, but there you have it. according to the sf cops, they have yet to receive cameron’s tome, but no doubt await it with fervored anticipation.

other than the almost clock-like regularity of every two years someone reporting they believe their step-father was the zodiac, not much further to report on this front…

anyhow we remain dedicated and compelled by civic duty to keep you cats posted on the latest news on the zodiac killer front and remain ever vigilant on behalf of you and yours. 

further, mr. cameron, and all other conspiracy therorist, send your novels our way. we’ve got nothing but time and an open mind.

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