mayor emanuel v. mayoremanuel

we know we have been positively lax about our work, but you see, other things have occupied the minds of we here at the office, and thus, we have neglected you. horribly. we are sorry for this, but life has required living and we are the only ones up for the job.

with that admission and apology out of the way, let us rocket forward to topics of great pleasure, namely rham emanuel and his glorious fake twitter account. we here at casual friday don’t really “get” twitter. we don’t really want to get it either. however, in the boiling sea of mental and emotional vomit that is twitter a single beacon of hope and humor has emerged bouncing along… and that dear friends is the fictional twitter account authored by an anonymous and jolly wraith known as mayoremanuel. phew. good medicine that twitter account, or whatever you call it, is.

now, rham isn’t to pretty pleased about this blog, offering a price spanning between 2500 and 5000 bones to be donated to the charity of choice for someone to rat out the glorious soul who is authoring rham’s mayoral running and tenure with such a light touch and effusive use of all the best four letter words.

to mayoremauel, our continued support is yours and yours alone.

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fun times in chicago!

well, no matter how you slice it politically, with rham an official candidate in the chicago mayoral elections, the fur is going to fly. we wait for it all with bated breath!

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the sweetness of revenge

somewhere in his sty don perata is doing backflips in the heavenly slop that is a sweet revenge paired with a degree of media exposure… as the story goes, mayor elect jean quan has had a little, well deficiency in the whole “paying parking tickets” department and hence owes approximately 1k- no small potatoes. thus ms. quan found her adult-contemorary silver prius be-booted this brisk morning. now, how does don “pigshit” perata figure into this sordid equation? well, the company that holds the contract for the city of oakland booting and towing is called berry brothers. now, there has always been a close relationship between berry brothers towing and mr. perata, they are regular campaign contributors for his various elections over the years and we have some second hand gossip (which might not be good but the source tends to be pretty credible and thus must remain that which is not named) perata helped secure berry brothers towing contract with the city many years back. berry brothers also contributed pretty heftily to the campaign of hodge, who was, as discussed in earlier posts played a low-grade george w. to don perata’s dick cheyne… now, we aren’t saying that perata orchestrated this booting, but you KNOW he’s got to be loving it.

jean, baby, you gotta pay the piper. don’t make us regret having voted for you- that small fact won’t prevent us from ripping you a new one should the opportunity arise…

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a loose wrist and a stroked ego

dear god, ron “9-5 blows” dellums has done it again. we are at work very early today and perusing the sf chronicle and happened upon an article detailing the finer points of dellums deep-seated narcissism which manifested itself in a 68 page self pleasuring document he issued in lieu of actually attending the state of the city address.

now, we’re not going to lie, we have not read the whole thing. but we have read approximately 80% of it, and frankly it reads like career porn for professional, albeit dillusional, squares.

let us show you the documents through the laser-like, yet tired, eyes of the casual friday team of political analists- you can trot this out over the weekend when you are out wowing studs with your insight into the political workings of oakland and the greater alameda county- it’s on us.

so really this 68 page fantasia is basically a blow-by-blow account of all of the greatness that ron dellums has “accomplished” over the past four years- really it reads like an overwrought resume. some of the highlights include:

1. two months of midnight basketball

2. eliminating “sideshow” activities

3. acquiring state-of-the-art technology (so the city got some new laptops?)

4. “responded to civil unrest after the verdict from the bart shooting trial” (as in attendance spectators to the aforementioned, we are going to have to heartily disagree)

5. “quadrupled public skating attendance” at the oakland ice rink

6. distributed 1,750 bike helmets

when it gets to the point when innane shit like this makes the list of great accomplishments to ones major mayoral resume, and paired it with the level of gradure that dellums operated in, we think that the only graceful exit out is taking it like a man and just drinking the hemlock.

ronnie- happy trails to you. and you dear casual friday readers, should you wish to gloss over this hand-job, here is the link… http://oaklandnet.com/

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dellums to possibly show up for work!

so with the elections behind us, questions have been asked regarding ron “fuck work” dellums, namely if he is going to cut early or stick it out until the end of his term. now, dellums has basically be deeply enmeshed in the peaceing out process since he first showed up late to work at the start of his mayoral term in 2006. now, we hate work just as much as the next person, so we get this attitude. however, dellums took his distain for indignity of having to earn ones living one step further in a 2007 interview, bitchily stating “i’m giving it everything that i have. if that’s not enough, that’s cool.” awesome. we feel that way with clock like regularity as well mr. dellums.

but like everything in its last death throes, nature gets unpredictable. and now dellums is bitching that he won’t leave office before the end of his term in january- if he shows up to work one day between now and january our heads will explode. or something like that. frankly we’re baffled by his motives… you never showed up, why show down? perhaps he is trying to buy some time on stalling the $252,000 in back taxes he owes…

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spirit animals and the gav

to fortify our senses of spirituality and sanity during today’s regularly scheduled 8 hour indignity, we have been studying up on the topic of spirit animals. staring slack-jawed at the screen, mind adrift in new, weird info, we suddenly found ourselves thinking about ill-conceived first spirit animal impressions. much like that mysterious young adonis sitting at the end of a darkened bar who, upon closer inspection, is actually an older quasimoto, it is that same feeling of being duped by senses and sensibility alike.

as an example, when gavin newsom first popped up on our political conscious meter back in 2003, we at casual friday were taken a-back by this studly kennedy-esque figure. sure sure, his hair was a little greasy and he looks a bit plastic, but worst things could be said of us, after all, judge not lest ye be judged right? so the gav’s first round as mayor was a study in the three p’s: potholes, public schools, and poverty. but then he pulls a fast one and says hell yes to marrying the gays so, we thought to ourselves, perhaps this man is being lead spiritually by a wiser power than the plodding bovine we initially thought. maybe this man is being lead by some sort of a bitching eagle? all feathers and talons?

then the 2007 elections come around and there was the gav again, front and center. this time, perhaps emboldened by fucking his campaign manager’s wife and defeating both a nudist activist and the owner of the power exchange sex club, the gav began to show his true colors- his character maturing into something more akin to a flat canned beer than a robust vintage wine. the gav got shady. the gav started getting seriously fucked up and then there was that little did-he-didn’t-he do a bunch of blow?

and then gav sold his soul to the devil- we see no other logical explaination. as suddenly the gav was riding bikes and marrying some actress and pulling his shit together to run for lt. governor… it was a strange thing to watch a person go all floppy for “the man” and the promise of power right before our collective eyes…

 we have taken the liberty of looking to our own spirit animal for guidance to help divine the nature of gav’s true spiritual animal guide, and after long thought we have come to the conclusion that the gav’s spirit animal is an over-boiled wiener. though, who knows what it could become once he and jerry brown hold hands and take the plunge into sacramento, together…

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lowering expectations

well, election day has come and past. there was a degree of indignities suffered, however some great social landmines were avoided as well.

first off, a big fuck you to don perata for winning the oakland mayoral race. we’re pretty sure that he will be a far more active mayor that ron “dick off” dellums, however that isn’t saying much of anything- corpses show more activity than dellums has in his entire term. however, if we are to put on our spangled cap and do a little soothsaying, we are going to put dope and dollars on perata quickly descending into a cycle of upping his buddies and treating city hall like his own personal country club. we don’t see great things from this guy, after all, if you put a pig in lipstick, at the end of the day, it’s still a pig. we here at casual friday promise you nothing but snarky commentary on this vomitous weasel’s tenure, that, our dear public, you can rely on. nothing but the best of the worst here at casual friday, and that’s a commitment we intend to uphold.

another big bummer was the “no” vote on prop 19. now, we aren’t just saying this because we ourselves have indulged in some praise to jah almighty. no, no it’s not the loadie in us that is disappointed, but the part of us that realized how greatly that influx of much needed tax dollars could have helped out the state of california. with that said, the teenage pot head in us all were saddened. but, dear readers, don’t you worry your pretty heads as this isn’t going to diminish our own commitment to upholding a “yes” vote on prop 19 in our personal lives…

in good news though, that fucking bitch whitman is out of the game- we have spent many late nights keeping the anxieties in the closet at bay trying not to envision a world where meg was governor of california. barf. now, we’re not wild about the jerk and gel party winners, but you know what, we’re not wild about a lot of things but this is 100% a far preferable alternative than having to say “governor whitman”.

we naturally are crying tears of sadness that our lady love rebecca kaplan didn’t get elected. but honestly, she’s young and we hope and pray that she will run again when she has clocked a little more city-hall-bullshit time and street cred under her belt.

ultimately in this pageant of lowered expectations, things weren’t as grim as they could have been and thankfully the kool-aid is saved to be drunk another day.

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